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Tainted Love by AnAspieInPoland

Very gorgeous for a beginner. The viewer can really see the affection between these two, however it is hard to see what the background ...

Below is a list of positive and negative opinions on my novelist writing, as long as they're good and well-thought out. I'm not letting good opinions go to waste ^_^ from both the rough and final drafts!

"Alaric's transformation stuck out in my mind as it was a really vivid description and hooked me in with the imagery you used. I also liked how you depicted the brothers’ relationship, you made it evident that they were close to each other through a pat on the head, offering of a coat and of course, brotherly slagging that also brought some humour to the piece. You’re also good at bringing tension to the writing as you described Lucidus’s fear and the shocking imagery associated with vampires. I like how you wrote, “Stomachs frayed upon like decorations.” It really suggests how the vampires are not to be messed with as they show no mercy for their victims. The vampires’ description also added to the tension too. There’s nothing really that I would say needs changing but I would say that you should keep up on the great descriptions as they really hook readers into the piece."

:iconmushroomoctopus:

"An engaging read, your use of vivid descriptions (ex. "the sky wept white as stars floated to the land") helps to get the reader engaged in the text from the start. I like how you wrote the wolf transformation in great detail, it paints a clear picture in the reader's head, and also how you show the characters' motivations through dialogue. Some of the criticisms I have, have already been mentioned - some minor spelling and punctuation errors ("perish" instead of "parish" for example), and the pacing is kind of fast towards the end."

:iconbluemelodia:

Interesting! Now, I'm no fan of werwolves and vampires- but it seems you've taken on a new approach with them that makes it different from all those other stories about them. It has a more fantasy/Skyrim vibe than a Twilight vibe, and gosh are people going to appreciate that xDDD 
There were quite a few grammar and and a few tense errors in here, along with a name change that threw me off a portion of the way through. Make sure you read, reread, and read again before posting to avoid these (don't stress too much though, it happens to everyone)! This was very well written and painted a very clear picture in my mind. There was minimal confusion (very very little, I applaud you), and the end seemed just a bit too fast. You may want to explain your terms a little better, like moonlast. While that may seem self explanatory it will help avoid any confusion in the future. 
Overall very nicely done! :3 Good luck on your novel! :D (Big Grin)"

:iconthedoorwithin:

"Cliche? Not necessarily. It does pit werewolves and humans against vampires which is kinda cliche but it does it in a more unique way by making it about a war between kingdoms. Now, vampires treating humans poorly isn't new, but keeping them locked up like hostages during the whole thing is pretty unheard of. 

I think that vampires as a topic have more or less pretty much become their own genre. But yeah, you will want to try and add unique features to the vampires as a way of dissolving expectations put in place by the readers. (people expect vampires to act a certain way like burn in the sunlight and drink blood. These aren't cliches, they're just assumptions about the average vampire. Now, mixing it up a bit, like vampire don't burn in sunlight, just grow weaker and they can drink human blood but drinking vampire blood kills them, that makes it more unique of a story.)

hope that helps."

:iconjchrispole:

"First, forget about the word 'cliche'. If you're telling a story to tell a story, it's only cliche if you stop telling the story YOU want to tell and start telling the story someone else wants you to tell. Are you writing this for the sake of finding an editor/publisher and selling it? If you answer 'yes' then maybe it WILL be considered cliche by them, but only because it is a YA novel about vampires and werewolves. The fact is, writing should be about telling your readers, whether they are one or a million the story you have in you.

Screw worrying about cliches and tell the damn story. You'll enjoy the process far more and will likely make something wholly original without actually even trying too. 

This is more or less why I avoid mainstream literature and stick to classics--by avoiding what is 'popular' I don't have to ask whether this is something I want to write about or not. Akara, you have a fine idea for a story. If it's good, people will read it; if it catches their interest, they will read it. If you give me something involving a situation that intruiges me, that draws me in with characters that I WANT to know, that puts me in a world that I can believe in, then yes, it is worth writing. Vampires being cliche, to hell with that. Write me a story! Tell me a dream!"

:iconthe-original-rper: 

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Akara-Legend
Ashley
Artist | Student | Varied
United States
Q: Why Do You Have Different Styles of Work?
A: As you know, different styles of art could mean a possible art thief. I went to an Art School, where I was forced to do many styles of work, and I uploaded them here. I no longer go to this school, so you will no longer see as many styles as before. It will continue to be photo manipulation and some literature

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Comments


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:iconbunnyrabbitluv:
Bunnyrabbitluv Featured By Owner 1 day ago  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Thanks for the watch 
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:iconalwaysraincheck:
AlwaysRainCheck Featured By Owner 2 days ago  Student General Artist

Hello and welcome on  :iconinsecure-writers: we are thrilled to have you in our group! Get Together 


Feel free to contact me or NicholasName through notes or comments if you have any concern, idea, problem or request, we are always happy to listen and to help!


Much love to you Heart

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:iconroosevelt123:
Roosevelt123 Featured By Owner 2 days ago  Professional Digital Artist
You send bad comment to me everyday, can you stop this?
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:iconakara-legend:
Akara-Legend Featured By Owner 2 days ago  Student General Artist
I send bad comment everyday because you refuse to remove the stolen artwork. I know who every piece belongs to, and they've already been reported.
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:iconkyara007:
Kyara007 Featured By Owner 3 days ago  Hobbyist General Artist
Welcome to the group :

:iconthethoughtofthemind:

We're very pleased to have you as one of our newest members

We are very happy to have you within our community. We have a vast gallery, So if you have more than one form of art I am sure we can accommodate you!

Have fun
Again thank you for joining our wonderful group

Feel free to like our Facebook Page : www.facebook.com/pages/The-Gro…
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:icon3wyl:
3wyl Featured By Owner 4 days ago  Hobbyist Photographer
Hello! :wave:

On behalf of ProjectComment, I would like to welcome you to our group! Some of the things we have that you may not know are:
  • Free guaranteed and constructive comments! - All you have to do is contact a Commenter from the Commenter System.
  • Comment Thread! - A fun game that guarantees a comment received for every comment given.
  • Submission to the Gallery! - You must comment on two pieces before doing so, but feel free to submit to our More Exposure folder instead for the chance to be featured!
We also have Targeted Commenting where you can just leave a link to your piece, a few questions, and we'll comment on your piece so that it is more driven and focused for you.

Overall, there are many things, all displayed on the front page of ProjectComment, and many more things to come! If you have any suggestions, concerns, queries or anything else, please do not hesitate to contact us!

We hope you have an enjoyable stay! :glomp:
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:iconakara-legend:
Akara-Legend Featured By Owner 4 days ago  Student General Artist
Thank you very much! I hope I read the rules correctly. I read over them twice. :3
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:icon3wyl:
3wyl Featured By Owner 3 days ago  Hobbyist Photographer
We'll let you know if there are any issues! :D
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:icondraganthemighty:
DraganTheMighty Featured By Owner 4 days ago
Welcome to Simply-TALES!!!!
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:iconuniversal-stardust:
Universal-Stardust Featured By Owner 5 days ago  Hobbyist Writer

Welcome to :iconthe-creative-writer:

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